You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
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a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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