Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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