Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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