Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
