If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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