do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
