Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
