I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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