You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
