grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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