hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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