when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
