I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
