walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
