I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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