omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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