Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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