You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
