the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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