i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize