WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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