He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
