i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm having to shit out rocks
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
