My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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