I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
are you so shy because you have an std?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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