As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
