I like my sex mixed with concussions.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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