My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize