I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
