____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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