either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
