I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
