We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She swung at the pinata with crutches
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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