Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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