Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
