apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
