So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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