I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
