We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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