R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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