I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
