I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
