The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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