sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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