took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
