it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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