I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
