He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
