Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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