You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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