My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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