Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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