Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
