if you like me you must not know who I am
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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