it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
