i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
