i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
