3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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