yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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