I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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