they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
