wanna go halves on a baby?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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