Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
