if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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