apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
