you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
