I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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