So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
