I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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