there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
