why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
