I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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