i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
