I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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