Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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