Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
