I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
