we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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