the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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