i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
