I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
