Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize