I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I could fuck to npr.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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