i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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