She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
